In this particular chapter of my life, just being is enough. Just being there. Just being mama. Just being wife. Just being household manager. Just being me. It's enough. More than enough much of the time.
I've been diligently reading through the book entitled "Sabbath" by George Muller and being thoroughly blessed and provoked to thought by the reading of it. I totally recommend it to anyone out there. I believe what he has to say is extremely important for all of us. I can't even begin to recount the numerous paragraphs that I have re-read to Mike, just because they were so potent with relevancy to our life. The business, the letting go, the never having enough to make you happy, the need for rest and peace, etc etc... I wish I had my highlighter handy as I read through this book, there is so much that I'd like to mark and to recall at a later time. Perhaps I will have to re-read it once I am finished and have my pen and highlighter handy! I'd say I could read through it several times and never fully glean the comprehensiveness of this book.
I have been blessed, and yet, I have also been discouraged at times. After all, reading about rest and peace and relaxation. Stopping in the fast pace in this busy life of mine. It all sounds so delightful to my weary body. And yet, when am I going to stop? How am I going to slow down? I'm a mother of 3 little one's, you know? My inner self wants to stop. To slow down. But how? How do I truly enjoy life as it flies past me at 100 miles per hour? How do I take it all in without feeling completely overwhelmed? The last chapter I read so far in "Sabbath" gave us an assignment at the end of the chapter. It asked the reader to give up something in our lives. Anything, whether big or small. Let it go and see how it feels. I had to really think about that one. I feel like everything I do in a day is necissary and most definitely not above and beyond anything out of ordinary or needed. I do what I have to do! Every day! What could I possibly give up? It finally dawned on me. I needed to give up expectations. I needed to Just Be, ME. Not worry about what other's think of me. Not worry about living up to the high and lofty expectations I place upon myself. (especially in this season of life.) I need to just be. Be the best ME that I can be. I worry about my house being messy and someone stopping in to visit, see the messy home and then think that I am not able to manage it all. Somehow think I am failing in my "job." I worry about my kids not behaving like little angels and maybe people will think that I'm not doing a good enough work in them. But let's face it- children are not born angels. They may be sweet, but they also have dispositions built in to be self centered and naughty. That's why we as parents are supposed to train them up in the way they should go. Right? And home's are not always perfectly in order-even though their perfectionistic mothers would like them to be that way. It may be that the baby has been up all night and they are completely worn out to keep up with it the next day. Or, the children and hubby may have been sick for several weeks, keeping mama busy overtime dealing with sick little ones and crabby attitudes. Or maybe, just maybe, mama has spent the week making memories with her children and the housework has been laid to the side for a few days-regardless of what things look like now!
So, there you have it. High expectations. Lots of longing for peace, solitude and quiet. And everything in life being quite the opposite. What are we going to do about it? Cry out for something different? Or make the best of the moments in which we live? The space in which we occupy right here and now. There's peace to be had somewhere. I think it's just up to us to find it and live it. Even if it's only for 2 minutes of time. Seize it. Hold on to it and breath it in. And just BE. Be yourself. Be who God created YOU to be. :)
And those are my thoughts for this moment. My two oldest are in bed, the baby was asleep, but now she's not anymore. My moment is over... So long!