Sunday, May 27, 2012

In Which I Ramble

I'm feeling angsty today. In serious need of some Quiet moments. ( i even had a dream last night regarding "quiet moments".... can't recall how it went, but i do remember those 2 words. :)
And now, as I finally get a moment to write out my thoughts, my quiet moment is shattered and I hear the baby cry from her crib. Nap time is over. The two oldest kids are with daddy, doing a few errands and meanwhile, what have I been doing? Cleaning. I cleaned for a very long time and yet there's still a ton more to clean.
Will there ever be a time (while my children are still young) in which i can feel satisfied with how things are going and flowing in the home? I want clean and inviting spaces. I want usable workable spaces. I need/crave this. I am tired of fighting with the stuff that takes up a house.
I've been working on Nathan's closet and room. I needs a redo. His closet is basically the only main closet in this house. (what you get when a single man builds a home before he has experienced what it really takes to live in a house I guess...?) Therefore, Nathan's closet is the catch of alllll things. Theres the vacuum and mops in there. There's extra folding chairs and table leaves, there's home school books and extra kitchen stuff, bedding and toys and... oh my. You name it, it's probably in there! I've been going through it this morning and I think I could spend all day in that hot stuffy closet and still seem to have gotten no where. Do I really need to keep those old school papers and drawings that I did so long ago as a child? maybe? if so, is there a better way in which to store them?? And that old Secretarial course that I took back in 9th grade... do I really need to keep all the books associated with it?
And then there's Nathan's room itself. A bookshelf full of books. Some of which are on his level, others which are not. Perhaps I should find a better place for half of the contents and then get nice baskets and store his toys in categories in those baskets on the shelf. Maybe the toys would get better use that way and be easier to put away? Rather than a large rubbermaid containing all his toys. (which in order to find what he wants... every toy gets thrown out of the box til he comes to what he was searching for)
And the poor boy isn't at all into horses and cowboys as his room decor suggests. He's in to Tractors and bulldozers and backhoes. We're talkin' manly man here, boy. ;)
Oh the dilemma's of life.
I am feeling stressed out. Perhaps because vacation time is at hand and sometimes it all seems stressful to think of preparing for it and still maintain the rest of the house at the same time.
And am I really a good mom? Sometimes I feel like all I ever do is work around the house and try to enjoy my kids and then just inside be begging for some quiet moment in time where i can breathe and figure life out. Oh there's so much to DO all the time! And I feel like it's all sort of turned into a "must do" sort of thing in which I wear a troubled face and scurry around the house at top speed trying to get my work accomplished.
Oh dear... I'd better get that poor baby that is awake and probably needing lunch. What do I feed her? I don't even know. I'm just too tired. I need a nap. But if I take a nap I won't be able to sleep tonight. Gahhhhh! It's a lose lose deal right?
Ok, I am totally done ratteling on like this and will just be quiet now and go get my child. She needs me after all. ;)


  1. Someone's gonna quote you that "dust bunnies go to sleep" verse, I know it. And in my heart I agree, but something makes me WANT a clean, organized, smooth-running home. What is that about?? But I totally get it. I always feel so much happier and feel like I can really enjoy my kids when the house is clean and the next meal is in the oven on time bake and my hair is done and I've just had some quiet time to write. LOL When does that EVER happen???? Maybe my expectations are too high. We'll figure these priorities out, I'm sure. But we probably won't have littles by then. Courage to you, my dear. Just know you're sooooo not the only one.

  2. I totally hear you! I've only got two, but one has a high-maintenance diet (as in, he can't eat practically anything the rest of the family eats, so that means cooking double most days), and I'm in my third trimester and a tad low on iron (still in "normal" range, but low for me, and even though I've upped my iron, it's going to take a while for the energy to come back). I don't get the 2 hours in the afternoon to relax like I did last pregnancy--at least, not most days. There is just too much to do. Some days I feel exhausted by the end of breakfast and just can't to anything beyond feed the family; so then the next day when I have energy, I feel like I need to catch up, which wears me out for the next day...

    So yes, I totally can relate. I wish I knew how to make a schedule work, but my husband and I are both too tired most days to stick to it. For me, as soon as my energy gets low, I can't keep to any kind of schedule, and there it is. And things take so much longer than I think they should, partly because you can't rush kids, and partly because I just can't walk--no, waddle-- very fast with a bum hip.

    I've had to lower my expectations of certain things. Our floor is really smooth laminate, and it shows every little spot. If I'd known that, I would have gotten a more matte-like finish. But it's what we've got. And I just don't have the energy to give it a quick damp mop in the evening, as much as I'd like to. Nor time in the morning. So spots just have to wait until either mopping day, or until I need to give Gislaine some work to adjust her attitude (when she complains about work, I have found that giving extra jobs until her attitude changes to cheerful is the most effective).

    If you were nearby, I'd give you a hug. I know what you are going through! Just keep your chin up and remember your ultimate Source of strength.